Archie Kennedy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
betteralready) wrote2017-01-25 07:07 pm
betteralready) wrote2017-01-25 07:07 pm
Entry tags:
i am one of them | Reslife/LEMUR crossover
Archie tries to tell Horatio not to come.
He tries to tell Horatio not to come; knows that it will be too much, with the French and the gunshots and the quiet longing his role requires. Only relents (still reluctantly) when Edgar confirms he'll be going as well.
(Elliot tries to tell Edgar not to come, either, but he doesn't mean it-- never could-- the way Archie did. Loathe though he is to admit it, he's always going to want Edgar there-- and is likely always going to be surprised, still, when he shows.)
It's still one of the hardest performances he's ever done, knowing his boyfriend is sitting in the audience watching the obvious heartache. Archie has to breathe through the quiet panic of his own, when the young woman playing Éponine comes in covered in blood; notices a tremble in Elliot's hands. The tears in his eyes (and Elliot's, he notes) are real when they press their foreheads together as the quiet desperation takes hold in the play.
He tries as hard as he possibly can to look nothing like himself, in the scene where they die. Tries to look all gloom and despair and not sacrifice. More like a man brought half-unwillingly to the gallows and not like one who stepped up to the noose himself.
(Elliot, in rehearsals, had aimed for the opposite. Aimed to look more like himself so that it wouldn't hurt Edgar to see, because this was realer for the both of them than it was for even Archie and Horatio. And so Archie had held his tongue about how better to look like a man willing to die for something so much bigger than himself-- of a man who walked almost blindly into the range of bullets to protect what he loved more than life itself.
Neither of them quite manage, entirely, to achieve the image they're aiming for.)
They stand atop the false barricade and get shot while hand-in-hand. They'd almost had a fight with the director about it, but Elliot couldn't face this echo of his death without a hand in his and Archie, well--
(--He'll never tell Horatio, because it will kill the man certain sure, but there's something nice about the idea of having someone hold your hand while you're dying. He doesn't begrudge his boyfriend the way things had ended, but that's the one thing he'd wanted that he hadn't gotten, when he'd died the first time.)
They arrange to meet, all four of them, once most of the crowd has thinned, because they know it's not going to be an easy reunion. Thankfully, they're alone when they exit the stage door. Elliot steps towards Edgar with a hint of nervous uncertainty, his hand already offered out to be held. Archie shifts his attention instantly to give them some privacy; tuning out the quiet murmurs of French that reach his ears as he moves to Horatio.
He doesn't think twice about catching at Horatio's hand and bringing it up to his chest in the old, unfortunately familiar way. He'd brought a white shirt to change into after exactly so Horatio could see the utter lack of blood.
"I'm not hurt," he murmurs in lieu of a proper greeting, "'nd I love you."
He tries to tell Horatio not to come; knows that it will be too much, with the French and the gunshots and the quiet longing his role requires. Only relents (still reluctantly) when Edgar confirms he'll be going as well.
(Elliot tries to tell Edgar not to come, either, but he doesn't mean it-- never could-- the way Archie did. Loathe though he is to admit it, he's always going to want Edgar there-- and is likely always going to be surprised, still, when he shows.)
It's still one of the hardest performances he's ever done, knowing his boyfriend is sitting in the audience watching the obvious heartache. Archie has to breathe through the quiet panic of his own, when the young woman playing Éponine comes in covered in blood; notices a tremble in Elliot's hands. The tears in his eyes (and Elliot's, he notes) are real when they press their foreheads together as the quiet desperation takes hold in the play.
He tries as hard as he possibly can to look nothing like himself, in the scene where they die. Tries to look all gloom and despair and not sacrifice. More like a man brought half-unwillingly to the gallows and not like one who stepped up to the noose himself.
(Elliot, in rehearsals, had aimed for the opposite. Aimed to look more like himself so that it wouldn't hurt Edgar to see, because this was realer for the both of them than it was for even Archie and Horatio. And so Archie had held his tongue about how better to look like a man willing to die for something so much bigger than himself-- of a man who walked almost blindly into the range of bullets to protect what he loved more than life itself.
Neither of them quite manage, entirely, to achieve the image they're aiming for.)
They stand atop the false barricade and get shot while hand-in-hand. They'd almost had a fight with the director about it, but Elliot couldn't face this echo of his death without a hand in his and Archie, well--
(--He'll never tell Horatio, because it will kill the man certain sure, but there's something nice about the idea of having someone hold your hand while you're dying. He doesn't begrudge his boyfriend the way things had ended, but that's the one thing he'd wanted that he hadn't gotten, when he'd died the first time.)
They arrange to meet, all four of them, once most of the crowd has thinned, because they know it's not going to be an easy reunion. Thankfully, they're alone when they exit the stage door. Elliot steps towards Edgar with a hint of nervous uncertainty, his hand already offered out to be held. Archie shifts his attention instantly to give them some privacy; tuning out the quiet murmurs of French that reach his ears as he moves to Horatio.
He doesn't think twice about catching at Horatio's hand and bringing it up to his chest in the old, unfortunately familiar way. He'd brought a white shirt to change into after exactly so Horatio could see the utter lack of blood.
"I'm not hurt," he murmurs in lieu of a proper greeting, "'nd I love you."
no subject
He can do this. He can drift just slightly back from his boyfriend (but not let go.) He can move towards Elliot and Edgar and say goodbye.
They can make it home and stay curled together for the rest of the night-- the rest of the week, even. That'll help considerably.
no subject
Still, there's nothing quite like getting properly outside again. Having Archie warm against his side and the cold, crisp air sucked deep into his lungs makes a world of difference.
"--better?"
no subject
"Yeah. Little bit."
It'll be more so, when they're home.
no subject
Little steps help. Little steps can feel like victories as they start off properly. It's the sort of thing that can keep a body going despite the nerves wracking through him.
"Maybe some tea?"
no subject
"That'd be nice."
no subject
"Just-- settle again."
They would be all right. They might even sleep, if they could manage to calm themselves enough on the long way to bed.
no subject
Maybe with some talking. Maybe just with some gentle clinging, just like this.
no subject
Watching it had been exhausting enough. Living it, the way Archie seemed to live all his roles? Horatio couldn't imagine.
no subject
It's easy enough to admit.
"'t'll be-- easier to, after some tea and cuddles."
no subject
"It always is."
no subject
It's good, to be reminded that they've been here before. That they've gotten through this sort of thing before. It's better, to feel Horatio's lips pressed his skin.
no subject
"--I love you."
Being able to say that, calm and unafraid, is a good reminder as well.
no subject
"I love you, too."
no subject
The run will end, as all runs do. The memories will fade back into the haze. The life they're building now will reassert itself.
It will start to get easier again.
no subject
It'll be over soon enough. It'll be easier again.
It's starting to be easier now, as he presses a quick kiss against Horatio's cheek.
no subject
He'll have to take a moment simply clinging to Archie all the same once they're properly hidden away again. Nothing helps like a steady heartbeat.